It's amazing how quickly how things change. How a few days of thought can take you from sadness to clarity (granted, we'll see how well it plays out...) But in this new found clarity, along with a few spring break study hours of lecture videos, I have decided on a few things; some changes, some adventures, some personal mottos...so, this is my list, whether or not it falls under the umbrella of "Bucket List" or not, this is what I've come up with.
1. I'm not going to allow myself to be treated like shit. Not by anyone, not family, not friends: no one. I'm not a horrible person and I need to stand up for myself.
2. I'm going to like who I am, faults and all, because fuck you for thinking you're better than I am! I'm mostly awesome, and some people (okay, a few people...) actually like me for who I am, scars, sarcasm, cynicism, hostility, and all!
3. Get back into shape (and not the circular one I've grown so comfortable with). As of right now, I have 3 months to lose at least 19lbs.
4. I'm going to dive a coral reef. We have damning evidence suggesting coral reefs could be extinct in the next 50 years. I want to see these bad boys up close before they're gone.
5. I want to visit Europe; Paris would be exceptional, but I'd take Spain, Italy, England...I want to see real history, touch it, experience it first hand.
6. Once a month I'm going to do something that makes me uneasy, because I'm a pantie-waist and I need to get over it!
7. I'm going to learn to use the word "No" with people. I say "Yes" way too much and to people who don't deserve my kindness.
8. I'm going to love with all my heart and put myself out there for absolute destruction. I've only got this one life and I'd rather say I gave it my all, than say that I was too scared to do anything.
9. I'm going to learn to say "Yes" to opportunities. Life has a way of working out. And what's growing old if you have no stories to tell?
10. I'm going to wake up and try to be positive. I'm a brutal realist, but I need to smile more, I need to believe that even if life goes straight down the shitter, I'm going to be okay, time will keep ticking by, and time never stops just to give me time to be cranky.
11. (Yes, this list is going to eleven. SHUT IT!) I'm going to forgive all those I truly have disowned, disliked, been scorned by, hurt by, etc. I may not want you back in my life, but I wish you well.
Alright, well that's it for now. I think this is the best time for change, for a new start, to wipe the slate clean and just start all over again (again...). You've only got one life to live, why live it by someone elses rules, by their expectations? At the end of it all, you have to be content with the time you've spent on this third rock.
Your last blog was beautiful and powerful, but this is your best one yet. Stick with it, and I promise to do the same.
ReplyDeletePS, While I heartily encourage each of these 11 admirable challenges, you rock roundness with the grace of a Boticelli model. Just sayin' for the record!