The things we do for love.

Love is a word we use over and over again: in stories and fairy tales, in myths and legends. In this day and age we throw the word "love" around like it's meaningless, we've all become too jaded to understand the true meaning of the word. It's become diluted by movies that make it out to be easy, tales that make it out to be chivalrous; it is neither. Love is far more complicated and far more unforgiving. I've heard it said that love is never jealous, that it is always kind. I have a hard time believing that too. We spend all this time searching for something that we don't even understand, something that we are even willing to work for anymore, at least not some of us.

Many of the men I know have been scorned too many times fight for love anymore, they've grown to expect the woman to do the fighting, to do the changing...they've come to realize a woman is willing to do this she's probably worth keeping around. The harsh reality learned here is that women too, grow tired. Women have also been scorned by these very men who claim that women are the evil ones, the difficult ones, the emotionally unstable and erratic ones, but perhaps women are not trying to be difficult or evil or erratic. Perhaps, as the stories I've heard, women are fighting a fight that they know they will never win. They are fighting against men who refuse to change but demand change. They're fighting against men who have no problem being brutally honest but cannot hear brutal honesty. Many don't understand that when we stop crying it's not because we're not hurt anymore because we've got nothing left to cry, our tears have run dry, we are spent.

Those that have read this blog before have read that I have just recently gotten out of the seven year relationship, in the period of that relationship I've been told what a horrible person I am, how sarcastic and hostile I am. I've been told I was too fat, when my history didn't line up perfectly, whether my gene should be passed on are not. I've been told the things that I should do, the things that I should not do and every detail in between and yet nothing would satiate the hunger for more. It didn't matter what I did, anything are brought up was held against me, any time I defended myself I was wrong. And at the end of the seven years I can't help but think that the only thing he was really looking for was for me to roll over and completely give up everything I had ever been; become an empty canvas on which he can create whatever and whomever he wanted. I've never heard these stories for men.

I know that my gender is often in the wrong, we are often irrational and emotive beings. But I can't help but think that most of our irrational and emotive deficiencies were wrought from how poorly we've been treated by other men. If I've learned nothing else, I've learned that bitches are created they are not born. Women who treat men poorly, who use men, are created by men. after being treated poorly for so long woman can only assume that in order to stay alive, to stay ahead, to survive in this world, we must be ruthless. We must be willing to fight, to scratch, to hit below the belt if necessary, because if we don't hit first we will be hit, we will be tread upon, and at the end of the day we must survive. 

Though this might seem like I'm blaming men, I assure you I'm not. I believe jerks are created in the exact same way as bitches. It becomes this vicious cycle that none of us can escape. A man is treated poorly by a woman who was treated poorly by a man who was treated poorly by a woman and so on into infinity. All those that were once nice become corrupted. No one can escape. We all become jaded, we all lose hope, we become that which we hate strictly for the sake of surviving. And if we are unwilling to do so, if we are unwilling to become those whom we hate, we are tread upon until our last breath. It's not only nice guys who finish last, it's the last vestiges of kindness in society.