The College Version "Bucket List"

It's amazing how quickly how things change. How a few days of thought can take you from sadness to clarity (granted, we'll see how well it plays out...) But in this new found clarity, along with a few spring break study hours of lecture videos, I have decided on a few things; some changes, some adventures, some personal mottos...so, this is my list, whether or not it falls under the umbrella of "Bucket List" or not, this is what I've come up with. 

1. I'm not going to allow myself to be treated like shit. Not by anyone, not family, not friends: no one. I'm not a horrible person and I need to stand up for myself. 

2. I'm going to like who I am, faults and all, because fuck you for thinking you're better than I am! I'm mostly awesome, and some people (okay, a few people...) actually like me for who I am, scars, sarcasm, cynicism, hostility, and all!


3. Get back into shape (and not the circular one I've grown so comfortable with). As of right now, I have 3 months to lose at least 19lbs. 


4. I'm going to dive a coral reef. We have damning evidence suggesting coral reefs could be extinct in the next 50 years. I want to see these bad boys up close before they're gone. 

5. I want to visit Europe; Paris would be exceptional, but I'd take Spain, Italy, England...I want to see real history, touch it, experience it first hand. 

6. Once a month I'm going to do something that makes me uneasy, because I'm a pantie-waist and I need to get over it! 


7. I'm going to learn to use the word "No" with people. I say "Yes" way too much and to people who don't deserve my kindness. 


8. I'm going to love with all my heart and put myself out there for absolute destruction. I've only got this one life and I'd rather say I gave it my all, than say that I was too scared to do anything. 


9. I'm going to learn to say "Yes" to opportunities. Life has a way of working out. And what's growing old if you have no stories to tell?


10. I'm going to wake up and try to be positive. I'm a brutal realist, but I need to smile more, I need to believe that even if life goes straight down the shitter, I'm going to be okay, time will keep ticking by, and time never stops just to give me time to be cranky. 


11. (Yes, this list is going to eleven. SHUT IT!) I'm going to forgive all those I truly have disowned, disliked, been scorned by, hurt by, etc. I may not want you back in my life, but I wish you well. 


Alright, well that's it for now. I think this is the best time for change, for a new start, to wipe the slate clean and just start all over again (again...). You've only got one life to live, why live it by someone elses rules, by their expectations? At the end of it all, you have to be content with the time you've spent on this third rock.

The things we do for love.

Love is a word we use over and over again: in stories and fairy tales, in myths and legends. In this day and age we throw the word "love" around like it's meaningless, we've all become too jaded to understand the true meaning of the word. It's become diluted by movies that make it out to be easy, tales that make it out to be chivalrous; it is neither. Love is far more complicated and far more unforgiving. I've heard it said that love is never jealous, that it is always kind. I have a hard time believing that too. We spend all this time searching for something that we don't even understand, something that we are even willing to work for anymore, at least not some of us.

Many of the men I know have been scorned too many times fight for love anymore, they've grown to expect the woman to do the fighting, to do the changing...they've come to realize a woman is willing to do this she's probably worth keeping around. The harsh reality learned here is that women too, grow tired. Women have also been scorned by these very men who claim that women are the evil ones, the difficult ones, the emotionally unstable and erratic ones, but perhaps women are not trying to be difficult or evil or erratic. Perhaps, as the stories I've heard, women are fighting a fight that they know they will never win. They are fighting against men who refuse to change but demand change. They're fighting against men who have no problem being brutally honest but cannot hear brutal honesty. Many don't understand that when we stop crying it's not because we're not hurt anymore because we've got nothing left to cry, our tears have run dry, we are spent.

Those that have read this blog before have read that I have just recently gotten out of the seven year relationship, in the period of that relationship I've been told what a horrible person I am, how sarcastic and hostile I am. I've been told I was too fat, when my history didn't line up perfectly, whether my gene should be passed on are not. I've been told the things that I should do, the things that I should not do and every detail in between and yet nothing would satiate the hunger for more. It didn't matter what I did, anything are brought up was held against me, any time I defended myself I was wrong. And at the end of the seven years I can't help but think that the only thing he was really looking for was for me to roll over and completely give up everything I had ever been; become an empty canvas on which he can create whatever and whomever he wanted. I've never heard these stories for men.

I know that my gender is often in the wrong, we are often irrational and emotive beings. But I can't help but think that most of our irrational and emotive deficiencies were wrought from how poorly we've been treated by other men. If I've learned nothing else, I've learned that bitches are created they are not born. Women who treat men poorly, who use men, are created by men. after being treated poorly for so long woman can only assume that in order to stay alive, to stay ahead, to survive in this world, we must be ruthless. We must be willing to fight, to scratch, to hit below the belt if necessary, because if we don't hit first we will be hit, we will be tread upon, and at the end of the day we must survive. 

Though this might seem like I'm blaming men, I assure you I'm not. I believe jerks are created in the exact same way as bitches. It becomes this vicious cycle that none of us can escape. A man is treated poorly by a woman who was treated poorly by a man who was treated poorly by a woman and so on into infinity. All those that were once nice become corrupted. No one can escape. We all become jaded, we all lose hope, we become that which we hate strictly for the sake of surviving. And if we are unwilling to do so, if we are unwilling to become those whom we hate, we are tread upon until our last breath. It's not only nice guys who finish last, it's the last vestiges of kindness in society.

"Exit Through The Gift Shop" Some thoughts...

Last night I sat down to watch "Exit Through the Gift Shop", the documentary about the street art scene etc. After I was done watching it I couldn't help but laugh at the spectacle it was.   

The last half of the movie is about one "artist" in particular, who, aside from never really being a street artist, puts together a huge show and makes millions off of silly little LA art connoisseurs. So silly. This artist, who is loosely connected with the now infamous Banksy, had no experience, was doing the exact same thing that all the other street artists were doing, but some how, with a simple quote from Banksy made himself into this famed artist.  Ironically, the man called himself 'Mister Brainwash', which was oh so appropriate because that's exactly what he did. He used Banksy's namesake and by doing so brainwashed a good portion of the population to believe that what he was doing was new, fresh, controversial, cutting edge...even though he was just pulling this "art" out of his ass, torturing his employees (who, by the way, created most of his, so-called, art to begin with) and because people who want to think they're really into art will buy just about anything you give to them as art, he became an overnight sensation. 

This begs the question, "What is art?" and it cannot be answered. Art is in the eye of the beholder, and much-like beauty, it can be influenced by society and one good name backing you up. Can I get a good name to back me up? Can I become an overnight sensation that everyone will throw their money at? I'd like it? Talent is meaningless in today's society! It's all about how much you had to start out with and who you know. Thus, I will probably never be famous, (which is saddening, but I'll live through it...) This blog will probably never get world wide acclaim (EVEN THOUGH IT SHOULD!) and I will continue to poke holes in the world I see and go nowhere for it. I'd rather do all that then be this brainwashed zombie who sees a name and falls for whatever it is they're selling.

Change

It is time for a change. I have allowed myself to become lackadaisical for too long and activity is needed to enact some real evolution, revolution. I have watched as I have turned into a woman that I am not proud of. I have seen my dignity be pushed to the wayside, my self-respect molt, my dominant personality decay. This is not acceptable. I cannot allow it to continue. For if I allow these changes to become permanent, then I too will be pushed to the wayside, I too will molt and decay. 

Maybe it's too late for these changes (after all, I've been told the world is going to end here pretty soon, I got a pamphlet that said judgment day is on May 21st...) maybe I will be unable to enact these changes...but, regardless of what is to come, all I have is now: this moment, and in this moment, I desperately need a change for the better. This will include working out again (dear god it's needed!), cleaning up my act a little and more than anything finding that girl I lost so long ago. I can't allow myself to continue on the road I'm traveling--for myself and for all those around me. 

So, I begin a journey. Yes, the world might end soon. Yes, I might not succeed. But I have nothing left to do but try. Try to turn the poor decisions of the past into a stepping stone for a better future. For a life I can be proud of. 

Uncertainty

So, I've moved in, this daunting chapter has begun. I've more or less hit a wall. It's that moment when you realize that you're 24, single, no job, no degree...on the fast track to "cat lady", with very little left to hold on to....

That's not even to mention the social pressure. Between the oh-so-subtle hints from home that I ought find myself a man, to the world screaming that people my age are suppose to be in the job market, they're suppose to have their degrees and either be working on post-graduate degrees or actually in the field...and there I am, the struggling student. All of this along with my move...my insecurities are running a little high these days. 

But hey, I suppose I should look on the bright side. That's what folks tell me anyway. So...I'm bigger than a lot of you wee-folk out there (I will step on you!), I'm part zombie...and that's cool(ish)...AND my embittered diatribes seem to amuse some. So...way to go me.

The Short List

Of stupid things that annoy the shit out of me.

Jersey Shore and it's viewership: Oh my HOLY GRILLED CHEESUS! Really?? Okay, I get that, we, as Americans, enjoy watching people who probably ought be studied, but, come on! Really?? I have a hard time blaming the actual people in Jersey Shore (I can only assume that they are mentally deficient, and can't help but be the bottom rung of society), but people watch this crap regularly!! Okay, they're amusing, but go watch a comedy if you want amusement! By watching this gross display of idiocy is actually giving these absolutely (insane, shameful, belligerent, unintelligent) DISGUSTING humans make themselves celebrities! You are making them rich!! They should not be rich. People who (and I'm ashamed for knowing this information, damn you facebook friends!!) think that gym, tan, laundry along with getting so drunk that you get into a brawl is of the utmost importance, and should be sought on a daily basis. I refuse to watch the TV show or pay much attention to what this repugnant group of idiot children are doing. It's my opinion that by watching this shit you are saying "it's okay that you act like this!." What if that was your child, niece, or nephew? Would you still think it's okay?? Jersey Shore is one of the most vile things available to our society.

My Generation as a Whole: Okay, now I fully understand that the vast majority of us (myself not included {thank you mom and dad!})  were sat down in front of TV's and plugged into the torrential outpouring of new technology. Video games (in many forms), TV shows, latchkey children! Our generation was the the generation of babysitters (God help those in the generation behind us, they're the 'Nanny' generation!) of hamburger helper, of take out pizza and McDonald's drive through.  We are the fast paced-self-raised medicated  children. I understand that. But why are we the ones who don't want to grab responsibility ever? Why are we so self involved? Why do we allow our lives to be run by social media, television, long reach dreams, and selfish means? Can't we just, and I'm sorry if this hurts any ones feelings (...no I'm not) get the fuck over it? You had a bad childhood, okay...so did everyone I know...move the fuck on! Oddly the world does not revolve around you. I've said it before, I'll say it again. The singular right you have from birth is death. That's it. Stop expecting this wonderful-rainbow-filled-magical existence. Learn to be a part of society as a whole, because, and listen well there pumpkin, you don't matter. (By the way...pick up a goddamn book and turn off your fucking televisions!)

Last one for today (3 rants is enough...and this next one...whoo!) Commander and Chief, the Honorable Mr. Barrak Obama: Oh, I can feel the rage towards my blog building! I'm going to start by saying I absolutely respect the President, I think running this country is a tough job and I certainly (want it, but) would never get elected. I fully understand he has a very tough job to do, and in no way am I trying to diminish him personally, this is just my perspective of some of what's going on. However, right now, America is in a very interesting position. The government has been staving off a full shut down for weeks now due to budget issues. Our dear President...though I'm sure is working...is also going on ESPN to discuss in NCAA (College Basketball) bracket picks...this after being on Mythbusters, The View, The Today Show, etc....I understand that he is working while doing all of this. But I mean, really??? At least when he was on all these other shows he was discussing issues that are a part of his job. But College Basketball?? Hell, I ought be thrilled, my college's team is playing...I still don't give a fat shit what teams the President has chosen to win. I know, maybe I'm insensitive, I am after all a FDR girl--I'd love if we could get another FDR type in the White House. He didn't go to his own inaugural ball because he saw that his country was in trouble. He felt the need to get to work (he also wasn't much of a dancer. ZING!) Again, maybe I'm just a bit of a hardass, I want shit done, and I want it done a few days ago, but I'm kind of sick of the President being a celebrity or at least trying his hardest to become one. I will go insane if, after his time in office, he get's a day time talk show.

Moral of this blog....DO NOT WATCH JERSEY SHORE, STOP BEING DOUCHE BAGS, and Mr. President GET OFF MY TV!

Specify or Shut Up

Another student in one of my classes was discussing what he was giving up for lent. Bread. First, allow me to say, REALLY??  I mean out of all the things that you could give up? Bread?? Huh, interesting choice. But, he looks at me, confused, anxious asking if this item or that will be okay for his consumption, hes obviously in panic mode. I look at him, smile, and calmly say, "define bread". This shouldn't be such a difficult question. I mean, he's the one who decided to give bread up for lent. You'd think he'd be able to quickly define bread. I mean, were we talking wheat, flour, carbohydrates, gluten?? Are we simply discussing loafs of bread?? In my head this was not complicated.His eyes grew wide, the abject fear so apparent on his young face. He does not simply define bread. He avoids and starts listing things he's been avoiding (as if I give enough of a shit that I will deduce for him what he's given up for lent!), he says he hasn't eaten Mexican flat bread (so not loafs of bread...) He's assumed tortilla chips are out, as is pizza (thus far I'm assuming he's actually given up carbohydrates, but he can't decide). He then asks if Panda Express would be okay for lunch. I laugh softly, sadly amused with him, and simply say no. Thus far in the conversation he's said that he's not eating flour products. I inform him that noodles are made of flour, and that the sauce is generally thickened with flour or some similar product (and that's if the "meat" isn't breaded), his face drops again. I am, single-handedly destroying the next 40 days of his life. He's now grasping at straws. Well what about....or....even....??? I simply smile, and tell him he needs to define bread and quietly thank myself for my lack of religious beliefs. 

This seems to be a problem with my generation. The inability to simply specify or define anything. It's not that hard. People will say, "we haven't had that discussion yet, so I can sleep with so-and-so...right?" heaven forbid anyone be responsible for defining your own ethics, morals, code of conduct, or your own thoughts. I am a word sleuth. I will find a way around, a loop hole, some back door that I can get a foot into and work to my advantage. For example, I am not a gossip. I am a psychology major who is incredibly interested in human behavior. Hearing about and discussing other peoples behaviors is a part of that. I can use this wondrous language to my advantage, tweak it, bend it, contort it into a shape that is more effective for my lifestyle. I find that through thorough dedication to defining the world as I see it, my life is explicitly less complicated. Every label, every title, I will carefully redefine for myself. Relationship-it is no longer simply an emotional or other connection with another human...no. See how many loop holes that has? You only use that definition if you more or less don't like the other person but want to have some fun. "Oh, you meant that kind of relationship!!" 

Life is simpler with specificity. So, if you cannot understand how to do this simple task, if you do not comprehend it's usefulness, if you are simply too damn lazy to use it--that's fine. But be careful when talking to me. I'll win. More importantly learn to specify or do me the quick favor of just not talking.

I want to know what love is....

I want you to show me!!! (doo do do laa!!!) Okay, that's mostly a joke. However, that stupid little four letter word that follows us around from an early childhood seems so obscure to me. So, here is a technical response. I'll try to swallow my overly emotive ramblings...

Recently I read an article in Psychology Today, (shout-out! I'm a nerd, get over it.) that spoke a little about this obscure chemical reaction that we seem to live our lives around, for example what we should and should not expect from our so-called significant others; we should not expect our significant others (this one is for the women out there), to do big gestures towards us to gauge their affection towards us, apparently small thoughtful gestures should be held in higher regard as apparently those small gestures mean big things to our penis-laden counterparts. Also, expecting those counterparts to make decisions about the future is asking too much. One of the most interesting articles in this particular magazine, was one titled "The American Nightmare", which illustrated how our expectations in love are unrealistic and leave us ultimately disappointed and miserable overall.

This is something I can't agree with more. (I blame modern socialization...) We live in a society that breeds "me". This contorted social view of "what do I want?" "What will make me happier?" This is a crap ideology. Think back 50-60 years. Life expectancy was about 60...there was no waiting until you're 40 to start having kids, IVF and other infertility solutions did not exist. There was no "I want to be comfortable in my job before I get married" or "I'm going to experiment and change careers as often as I need to to find the perfect job" et cetera, et cetera. Way back in the way back, you got married young, because that's what people did, you got a job and worked your ass off to pay your bills and support your family. There was no idea of "me". 

But what does this have to do with love? What does anything have to do with love?? First and foremost; love is a word. Nothing more. That overwhelming swoon, knot in your stomach, weak knees, out of breath feeling, is a...and please brace yourself, a chemical reaction. That's it. Soul mates are this stupid little social ideation that came to be out of necessity WAY BACK IN THE FUCKING DAY!!!  It was an anthropological advantage. Now? Love is this bullshit idea. Yes, we all fall, we all have had that little rush, but the ideas behind it, are antiquated. Find someone you don't hate, that's generally decent (even good to you) and that you have that ridiculous chemical reaction to (but know, that those chemicals are affected by many things in life, including birth control, color, time, scent...and this is a "fake-it" nation!). Marry that person, work damn hard to make the marriage work. It is not a hobby that you get to quit, it's just another job. Breed carefully and die in the end. 

And they all lived happily ever after, after marriage counseling and Prozac.  

The Day the Earth Shook

We, as silly little humans, like to believe that we run the world. That this planet is just some rock that we have every right to use and abuse for all its worth. Today was another reminder of how helpless we are. 

As the planet shook, we humans were reminded just how small and powerless we are. This is an important note to take. We do not run this planet, we are not in charge. Though we have grown to be amused by our own attempts at control, the fact of the matter is there is something far more powerful at hand here. I'm not talking about God (per-say), I'm talking about the nature of the universe. We are mere spectators, and most things that could wipe us out as a species we have absolutely no control over. We are ants clinging to life. We need to accept that. 

Though I am far from religious, I do believe in the power of thought. In no way are the things I'm saying meant to diminish the devastation experienced in Japan today. I send my thoughts to each and every person who has been effected by this immense travesty. Allow this to be a lesson learned the hardest way possible. We are not more powerful than the planet.

212,284,800 Seconds

212,284,800 seconds, 3,538,080 minutes, 58,968 hours, 351 weeks, 2457 days: 6 years 8 months and 21 days. That's how long I fought. That's how long it lasted.That's roughly 28% of my life. And it was gone in an instant, undone by my own hands. I cannot say that I am tremendously sad: after so long, one becomes more fatigued than sad. I cannot say that I haven't seen this coming for years; I have. But I held out hope. I kept trying, fighting, pushing, pulling, morphing...but it was to no avail. My efforts were futile. But I will not regret anything. I know I did everything in my power to save it. 212,284,800 seconds, 3,538,080 minutes, 58,968 hours, 351 weeks, 2457 days: 6 years 8 months and 21 days.

Reality Schmality

No one really likes reality. It's that cold, hard, concrete floor we have all been forced to lay against. It's the brutal hit to the ego when we realize that all of our childhood dreams of becoming rock stars, super models, millionaires, novelists (whatever floats your boat!), are just that; they are dreams: fantasies that we have let slip to the side over basic needs to survive. We look at our lives and say, yes, I really want to be a rock star, but I really want to eat more and I've grown rather fond of having a roof over my head... it's not a bad decision. It's just how the cards fall. 

People like me, (GO SOLIPSISM!), only vaguely recognize reality in the truest sense of the word, and often this creates arguments. If I don't truly believe in reality how can I not reach for the stars? Does it even matter? My answer is a resounding yes and I'll explain why. Now for those who don't read about obscure belief systems, solipsism is a philosophical belief that only ones mind truly exists and everything outside of that is unjustified (does not to probably does not exist independently). Now, I'm only down with the theory of solipsism and even the belief has varying measures (from extreme to less extreme). For me, nothing can be proven, thus nothing can be dis-proven. My own existence is questionable simply for the fact that no one can empirically prove that I exists here in this form, and I'm not some brain in a jar or computer program. Along the lines of the Inception theory, I believe that what we experience innately becomes our reality. Whether we are dreaming, floating in a jar of formaldehyde, or are merely a collection of bytes and chips programed one way or another, what I feel I experience is my reality and thus I live by it. So why does any of it matter if it might not exist? Because the only "truth" is my experience. Thus whatever that experience may be is in a sense my entire world.

How does this affect you? How does my insanity affect you. Well, to be perfectly honest, it probably wont. For all I know you are just reflections of me...I've created you to read this mundane blog to boost my sad little ego a bit and make me feel like some day I could be a big time blogger, or maybe get published! Or maybe you do all exist, and you read my mental diarrhea and sigh, annoyed with the fact that you read this, unsure as to why you continue to punish yourself by following word after ridiculous word, shaking your head, cursing yourself--but still reading. 

Again I don't know if anyone else exists, it doesn't bother me. I hope you all exist. I hope there is a tangible reality that I can rest my head upon at night, but I'll be okay if I am merely a brain in a jar with electrode stimulators causing me to---

//endofline//

A little insecure...

I am a female (I know, sometimes you can't really tell and some people would argue that they wanted DNA proof, but regardless...) and I am just about six feet tall. I have broad shoulders, muscle mass on my legs, and a wide rib cage. Basically - I'm not petite. At all. In fact the only small thing about me (other than my sense of sympathy, which is shrinking daily) are my tiny little toe nails. That's it. I'm a "big girl", legitimately "big boned" (by the way, fuck off Cartman for ruining that!) and I can probably take or at least put up a damn good fight against most of the men I know. However, and please take note, I am still, in actuality, still a girl! And because I'm kind of the "abnormal" type, I get a lot...no a lot of flack for it. At this point I've been socialized to not embrace my femininity (if I ever had any), I'm suppose to embrace being taller, stronger, louder, etc. But, here's the thing: I don't. 

I don't think about how tall I am, but because most of the people I know are shorter than me (with a national average female 18-30 height of 5'4" this makes perfect sense) , so when we hang out, I am the tallest. Hell, even among the men I know and associate with, I'm one of the tallest (national average male 18-30 height: 5'10"). So, I'm the big one. I'm the tall kid, I get to carry things, play guard dog, reach for things on the top shelf...and it does not help when the men I've dated have requested (sternly) that I not wear high heels or that when people first meet me, they are oh so observant  and state "Damn, you're tall!" or "How tall are you?!" (every time, without fail!).  

Then you have the media, and doesn't everyone just love the media? The media says it's okay to be as tall as I am, if you're Tyra Banks, Heidi Klum, or any other stick thin (in their heyday, anyway) super model. Plus women are suppose to have perfect skin, perfect tits, long thin legs, heaven forbid you have any muscle--because if you do you're instantly a dyke (not that there is anything wrong with that, it's just one of those stupid stereotypes...) Then take porn or any other sexually extreme form of media and now we're all suppose to be these soft, demure, classy women in our daily lives, but perfectly sculpted sluts (and I mean sluts) in bed. We're suppose to take it how ever, when ever, where ever the man wants, while having the flexibility of a gymnast, skills of a porn star, and the self esteem of a 13 year old who is willing to do anything for attention. But, hey, men are allowed to get fat, stop shaving, brushing their teeth, and maintaining themselves altogether, hell they have role models that tell them that's okay.

As a woman of my size, shape, and height I am instantly a lesbian, regardless of who I'm actually attracted to, simply because of what I seem to be, I am instantly one thing. Hell, because of my size, shape, and height coupled with the fact that I am, in fact, straight, I am expected to be much more demure than the average woman, to compensate for my size. I ought be wearing knee length skirts every day (with flats, of course...) smiling quietly. Allow me to dispel this myth; that is not going to happen, ever.  If I can be permitted to steal from my larger sisters: I'm large and in charge!!! 

Okay, well, maybe not. But the point that I am very poorly getting to (and taking my time!) All women, regardless of size, are insecure. This is a fact. Even the ones who are very well adjusted and have things figured out are still going to appreciate the occasional "You look good today." and "I love your body." Because as women, and I mean the vast majority (at least 95%) women, are scared (deep down, and I mean way down) that we aren't pretty enough and thin enough, that we aren't good enough, fun enough, that we're too emotional, or not emotional enough (or not at the right times for either), that we aren't good enough in bed, that we aren't good enough cooks, that we aren't interested in things you  like enough...the list goes on and on. The thing is, and please, read carefully, men are told that it's okay to get fat, to come home from work and lay on the couch, to stop taking care of yourselves, etc. while women are told that a month after pregnancy we need to be stick thin again, that if there's something wrong we can just have it cut away, altered, inflated, pulled taut, colored, lifted, etc. Allow me to call gender biased bullshit. Men tell us that they love us the way we are, then turn around and worship women who have been completely altered, and quietly suggest small things (a nip here, a tuck there...). 


So, allow me to even the playing field. Every time I see a man make a remark about some ridiculous imperfection on a woman, unless that man is Chippendale's-dancer-perfect, I'm going to call him on his shit. 'Okay, you want me to be thinner, you too hon, because that pastey ass beer belly and back hair aren't really doing it for me either!' 'A boob job? Sure, but a. your ass is paying for it, and b. I want your biceps to be 25 inches in circumference first.' Why do only men get to make the demand? I say, women, stand the fuck up and demand a little for yourself. He's a little short down stairs demand he do something about it! Your man getting a little big around the middle, start serving only salad and eliminate all 'fun' food from the house. It's time we stop playing these bullshit games with them. They want to control us by using our insecurities  against us? Bring.It.On.Motherfucker. I'm a mean bitch when I want to be and I will cut you down. 


Just some food for thought for all my ladies out there. To the men who aren't the idiots I speak of, GOOD JOB! Keep it up. A revolution might be just around the corner.

Utopia?

Again, I've woken up in a world that 's turning in a sad direction. Here, in the United States, our government is failing. As a country we've only allotted enough money to last another two weeks. If another bill is not passed, our government will shut down - thousands of government employees will be sent home and life as we know it (especially for the Veteran population...) will end. All social welfare programs will stop having money sent out, Veterans will stop (at least until things are smoothed out) receiving their education and disability benefits. All of these things will stop until the government has figured out what to do. But with all of this bipartisanship, with this democrat versus republican bullshit does anyone in Congress, the Senate, or in the House think about the persons residing within this once powerful nation?

As far as I can see, and though I dread it, (I mean, honestly, at this point in time living in this country is terrifying!)  it would probably be for the best if there was a complete fallout of the government and an overhaul there after. We cannot continue to function as a society the way we have been. Though I truly love this country, I love what it was built on, the ideals that set the foundation for this amazing place...I don't love what it has evolved in to. I don't love the self-absorbed, media addicted, popularity contest that has become this nations peoples. (The President is even in on this, going on day-time talk shows, and other popular TV shows! Just me, or does he have other, more important things to do?)

But, how can we fix it? At this point, everything would need to change. They way we look at ourselves would have to change at a basic level and work its way up, and I sincerely doubt the majority of the population would be willing to sacrifice some of their own material comforts for the good of the nation as a whole. If I were supreme dictator, and I only say dictator because a democracy would never have it, of the "free world" I would amend a few short comings as I see them. First and foremost, anyone in the government would be held to the same standards as the rest of the nation, no longer would senators or congress members or members of the house be allowed to pass laws that they don't have to abide by. Moreover, there would be a limit to the amount of money a person could make. I'm not saying that if you work your ass off and do well you can't have the financial perks that come with that, all I'm saying is that people like Oprah and Steve Jobs (among others) would not be allowed to make soooo much money that they will never, ever, even if they tried, be able to use all of it. You'd be able to make 'X' amount and the rest of your revenue would have to go to charities, back into your company, or into the populace as a whole. No one needs to be so wealthy that they make more money than most small countries have.

Also, I would say there ought to be a 'highly suggested' 2 year (minimum) civil service commitment. This would not have to be the military, necessarily, one could work for the post office, be a contractor, pick up trash, etc. Should one choose not to do this 2 year commitment, that's fine, but that person would not be allowed to vote and would not be eligible for any of the social welfare programs. However, if one does take the two year commitment, one would have some help with school and would become a full fledged citizen and if that person lost their job, they would have help through well put social welfare programs. 

Lastly, in my utopia laws would be a bit stricter. Should you get sent to jail (and I'm not talking about some pithy little charge here, as I would legalize all drugs and crack down on public intoxication instead...) you will not simply live there and get paid to work. If you get sent to jail for some crime (grand theft, assault, etc) you will work off your debt to society, and you will not get paid for it. Your pay is having a roof over your head, food in your belly and medical care (which is more than many citizens have now!) Should you not want to work, you'll be sent to a monitored "tent city" with very few supplies. Should you be convicted of a heinous crime; murder, rape,  assault with the intent to kill and you be convicted under "probability" terms, we will give you ten years for technology to catch up. After that you will be retried and if the conviction remains we will..."take care of you" so to speak. Should you be convicted of said heinous crime without a doubt of your guilt, that "care" will be taken immediately. There will be no more life in prison as it costs too much for someone who, obviously, is not worth it. 

On a note that touches on current news - bullshit like the WBC (West-Borough Baptist Church, for those not up to date) will not be smiled at. Freedom of speech will remain, but funerals will be off limits. Families will have the right to grieve. In fact, we might just remove the WBC in my utopia. Because, I don't really think many people honestly want them around anyway. 

I doubt many people will fervently agree with me. Many will disagree for the simple reason that humans today are lazy. 'Why should I have to work for my rights?', 'I don't want to have to do anything to get something in return!' This way of thinking is what has led us to the bottom, it is not about each of us individually, it is about the country as a whole, the species as a whole. Without a group effort to change things our future will remain bleak. Rights are an illusion. We've made them up to satiate some and control others. They are not universal. The only "right" you have from birth is death. Depressing, I know, but it is the truth. 


Now, though I would love to rant on, I think this session has lasted long enough. Even if you disagree with my "utopia" as a country we must come to terms with the fact that "I" and "me" are irrelevant. We as a united whole could again be great, but only with hard work and sacrifice.