The Calm

My posting has become more irregular. A week or more can pass between posts. It's not that I don't have anything to write about. I'm sure I could come up with something. I'm sure people would love reading about my cats new fascination with bubbles, but you know, I just figure I'd spare you the mundane details of my life. 

Truly, my life has calmed immensely. Not to say that school isn't still hectic, and that my mind doesn't whirl around at a million miles an hour thinking about the past, present, and future. I assure you it does. But throughout the craziness that is my life, I've come to a sense of calm, I've realized the mistakes I've made, the fallacies I've believed over the years, the people I've allowed to run my life. I know recognize that this is my life. It is my one life. I don't get a do over, I don't get to try again. And there's a good chance I'll fuck this up all by myself, but I'd rather get to be 75 and say, yes, it was messy, it was rough, often traumatic...but fuck it, it was mine!  then get there and look back sadly at all the chances I never took, all the power I gave to others, and all the boring but probably right decisions that took me down a calm and uninteresting road. For almost 25 years my life has been a giant gaggle-fuck. Why stop now? I like throwing hard-balls and having them thrown at me. Taking a running leap with no idea if I'm going to land or not. 

My mom reminds me that I gave up a good leg to enlist, but she fails to realize I'd do it over again the same way. The use I lost in that leg, I gained in many other facets in my life.  Sometimes you have to remember that even the biggest disasters can be the most welcomed changes, the worst heartache can lead you to understand what truly matters, and without destruction we cannot rebuild. These are the thoughts that keep me calm and maintaining. 


As a side note: I can't say how awesome I think it is that people (not only friends on facebook) from all over the world have read this! I would love comment of insight from other cultures!