Rifreakindiculous

Hello my loves and a happy Saint Patrick Day! 

Oh, and what a ridiculous holiday it is! 
Though I thoroughly enjoy the modern binging of green colored drinks and foods, I can't help by find the silliness of this holiday overly apparent. First, it is a religious holiday. A Christian holiday. Why, you ask? Well, you see, the dear patron saint of Ireland brought Christianity to the people, erasing the last vestiges of the Pagan polytheistic religions that had ruled the country for thousands of years. Moreover, Patrick wasn't even Irish. He was English, and in his youth, had been kidnapped and held in Ireland. Upon his escape (God told him to escape, because escape is something very few kidnapees ever desire, and really, without God telling him to do so, he probably would have stayed a happy captive...), so, he escapes, goes back to England where he studies religion, becoming a priest. Later in life he was sent back to Ireland to evangelize the locals --using the Shamrock to teach of the holy trinity, and because he championed, he was made the Patron Saint of Ireland upon his death.

Now that the Patrick rant is over, I'll let you go, but don't worry, I'm sure there will be another rant coming your way shortly.

"The Queen of Versailles" - a review

"The Queen of Versailles" is a "documentary" about the Siegel's, a well-to-do family, that the recession has hit in an unfortunate way. Oh, but wait, did I mention that this family are billionaires?

Before I start my snarky responses to the extremely out of touch family, I will make some general remarks. This family has been very fortunate due mostly to David Siegel's hard work and extraordinary luck. They have lived the most affluent life, filled with celebrity and political prowess. A family of intelligent human beings, that have come into less lucrative times.

This family is one of pure dysfunction. David, the patriarch of the family, is a savvy, smart, and hard working man who seems to prefer his work to his family that consists of 10 children and a wife. Jackie, the matriarch, has a BS in computer engineering, went into modeling, and is now a wife; no job, has nannies (thus, I would say she is not a stay at home mom), and has a large shopping problem...These two, feeling the upswing of the pre-2008 recession and market crash, decided that their 17,000 sq ft house was too small, and that they ought build a 90,000 sq ft PALACE (because, let's be honest, 17,000 sq ft is exceptionally small...frankly, I won't settle for anything less than 50,000 sq ft!).

Then, suddenly, November 2008 comes into play...the market crashes, the economy falls, and the recession beings with a low, flat note. The Siegel's life of affluence took a turn for the worse...and here is where the extreme snark shall begin. Their life of newly needed frugality tore them away from their luxury items. Suddenly, they had to fly commercial, instead of on their private jet, instead of 25 household employees, they had to cut down to 4! Their children were taken out of private school and sent to the most evil public school. These poor people! I mean, can you believe how far they fell? They couldn't even finish their hotel of a home, they have to stay in their 17,000 sq ft cottage. What a tragic, an absolutely tragic existence.

See for most of us, we have our jobs that, if we're lucky enough, might pay our bills and provide us with a small amount of comfort. We struggle to afford houses that are barely large enough to fit ourselves and any family we might be lucky enough to have. When we start severe budgeting, we cut out all luxuries, until the basic needs are met. Top Ramen and Bologna, rice and beans, walk instead of drive, sell the car, sell the TV -- struggle. I find it just a bit appalling to think that these people had the audacity to be a part of a documentary detailing their rise to wealth and their "crash" into the lows of being struggling millionaires. Have the uber wealthy become so incredible diluted that they've forgotten what a dollar means in regards to a million? Have they sunk so low that their inevitable crash back to reality is such news?

Perhaps the more compelling story is how millions, nay, billions of persons around the globe, struggle to maintain life because of poverty, famine, and disease. How so many of our fellow human beings struggle to feed themselves, to heal themselves, and to live, let alone thrive. Perhaps we've become so incredibly daft that turning a blind-eye is no longer an action, but an instinct.

To the Siegel family, I understand the fall from great heights tend to be more injurious, however, you are incredibly lucky to live the life of extravagance that you live, even in your new found "poverty". Most of us are just trying to survive.

Waking up to Reality

How easy it is to become swept away in your own life. In the simplicities and complexities of mere existence. I realize that I have failed to post anything new in quite some time, I'd like to say that it was a product of self preservation during times of duress, but I feel that wouldn't be wholly accurate; I have been totally preoccupied with life: the moments of exaltation and of drama, of dreams and failures.
I have survived my time in Beauty School, though my feeling of it haven't truly changed.
I have lost my title of "spinster", and become an honorable woman, married and all.
I have completed my most recent foray into education, and have woken up in the cold of reality, where jobs are scarce, where houses are hard to come by, where income fails to come in, where the life you'd planned so carefully for is suddenly far from your reach, and the real hard work must begin.
As a child, life seems so planned out.
You grow up
you go to college
you graduate
you get a job
you get married
you buy a house
you have children
Etc...
etc..
These instructions seem obvious, seem simple, so, you go through the motions:
You do grow up
You do go to college
you do graduate
you even manage to get married...
you apply for a job
you apply for another job
and another job
and another
You wait...
And nothing happens.
The downfall of the economy, the dreaded recession, and suddenly folks recently out of college are not experienced enough, they don't have the right skills...they don't get the jobs. Jobs require experience, jobs wont hire you unless you have it. How do you get a job if you need experience but can't get hired?
Suddenly life gets real. It gets hard. Your ultimate plans are suddenly unobtainable.
And you freeze. You panic. You breathe. You reevaluate.
You keep going. Welcome to your new reality.

Beauty Changes Lives

There is an entire school dedicated to how "Beauty Changes Lives", they operate a foundation under the same pretense. I am a student at this school, and this is how beauty has changed my life.

You enter the school; pristine, polished, gentle colors splashed on the walls, music serenading you, and yet, you look closer, there is a density in the air. The thickness you sense is the sycophantic air that hovers around the members of staff. I was a member of the massage class, and it is in that very class that beauty touched my life, and changed me.

Massage seems so innocuous. I always tend to think of serene music hanging in the warm air, soft sheets, relaxation, and relief. However, in this massage class, there was no serenity, no relaxation, and certainly no relief. The instructor stands with his hands on his waist, shoulders back, a facade sitting smugly on his face in the form of a disturbed smile from ear to ear, but completely missing his eyes. He speaks with a New York accent, his ego is as apparent as his lack of formal education. His eyes are soulless, dark, and only sparkle when his sadism is on display. He craves control, and more than control, he desires power and status.

One might ask, "How does a massage class change your life?" Well, I assure you, it is not in a positive light. This massage class has confirmed my fears of a profession run by those who lack general intelligence, believe in all the hypno-babble-bullshit that science can directly contradict, and has left me vacillating between wanting to be the one who changes the game, who can massage with a background in science and reality, and one who wants to just avoid the entire profession. This type of beauty has reconfirmed that this kind of beauty is solely superficial and those who choose to focus on that facet of beauty are probably those with the most severe deficit of true, innate beauty.

Trouble in the land of Beauty and Health

So, I might have made an...uneducated...decision. I have enrolled in Beauty School to obtain a license in aesthetics and a certification in massage. Though, I have earned myself a bachelors degree in psychology, in this economy, that means all of jack and shit. With my upcoming nuptials and a craptastic economy, I figured the most responsible thing I could do was give myself something at least semi-marketable (and with the help of my last few months of GI Bill, another few months worth of rent). But, oh-my-holy-bat-mobile-of-doomishness, I really didn't know what I was getting myself into. 

Perhaps uneducated is the wrong word to describe this decision. Perhaps I just didn't do my due diligence in researching the programs I was about to enroll in. As a full-time student at this "academy" taking classes in the massage technician program, I am getting my weight in "woo". I pride myself in being logical, rational, academic, intellectual, and truth seeking - these values are not so welcome in this new environment. Though our education is based on anatomy and physiology, the teacher, whom I'm simply going to guess lacks a degree in anything, seems to have a severe problem with proper pronunciation (that's not even to mention his apparent allergy to proper grammar and basic English skills!) and a vague-to-nonexistent understanding of the material he's lecturing on. 

He also has a penchant for the unconventional techniques, including spiritual wellness, chakra balancing, and other "special" skills (please read "special" as scientifically-unsupported-most-probably-nonexistant-unregulated-bullshit-woo). Upon a conversation regarding what fed our "spirit", a conversation I attempted to abstain from, that I learned that not only will absences destroy your spirit, but that in order to be a good massage therapist, one must be spiritually whole. Well, you can imagine, after I explained that the word spirit meant nothing to me, the class atmosphere got awkward quickly.

Perhaps I shouldn't be so quick to judge these very strange and naive people. Many of them lack substantial life experience, and more lack a solid educational foundation. Perhaps their very sudden decision to ostracize me for what they see as cynicism, is actually a fear of what they don't understand and are unwilling to question as of yet. I know that completing this program will challenge me, not academically or intellectually, but a challenge of the mind overcoming the mindsets those who don't understand, and those who are willing to blindly believe. God help me.

The Last Semester

It's done. After an eight year trek, I have completed my final semester in College, and have graduated. THANK HIS NOODLEY APPENDAGE!!! And, His noodle, it has been a rough semester. with two awful teachers (who really shouldn't even be called teachers, because they DID NOT TEACH) it was a rough one.

Here are some excerpts from my notes. 

Week 7:

"Illusions of motion – la la la, la la la, ELMO’S WORLD! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGEBOB PROFESSOR PANTS? Dksdkldfsalkdasklsdakl;dsakdfalk;jdsalk;sdlksdalkj;sdd SAVE ME…more stuff that doesn’t matter!"

Week 9:

"Continuity – sounds that follows one another (tune) come from same place (I think Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty was somehow involved here.)"

"Those with comprehensive lesions could do neither - and doom happens! DOOM I TELL YOU!" 

"Lots of olives getting turned on"

Week 11: 

"Exam results – blah, blah, blah we fucked up the test…AGAIN! Something, something, something…he’s still talking…going over shit we missed on the exam…I stopped caring before he started…Mean score – 28.3, range from 12 – 47, distribution according to the curve: A – 36-47, A- - 35, B+ 32 -34, etc…Psycho-Physics…as in I’m going to go PSYCHO on his Physical being?

IN THE BEGINNING: The universe is 13.7 Billion years old…which has something to do with taste…our solar system is about 4.3 billion years old…the earth did spring cleaning…Pluto got the boot (poor Pluto)…because he wasn’t a squid? Or cuz he didn’t have enough mass, and stuff…Earth did that (take that Pluto!)…then the molecules of life got together – some mood music came on… and BAM molecular bidniz and life happens (in single cell organisms, at first anyway). One little bacteria came to be, though it was lonely and tiny (and was named cyanobacteria, which is a stupid name). And Jebus taught him (OR HER!) how to photosynthesize (which is like tasting for plants?) 6CO2 (carbon dioxide) + 6H2O (water) à C6H12O6 (sugar) + 6O2 (oxygen)…something something something….someone named cambria (Cambrian explody) and between 530 – 490 million years ago our modern phyla came into existence (AMEN!). With larger and more complex organisms more complex specialty systems could evolve (unless Jebus did it instead, WHICH HE DID! OBVIOUSLY!!)"

"When a momma koala loves a poppa koala, they make a koala fetus - after this they eat her anus droppings and develop tolerance to poop - then eat their parent's skin so they get internally poisonous" 

"Proteins DEFINE YOU!!! (Identity disorder here). Nom on some noms (protein noms) and break the proteins down into individual amino acids. Once broken down, string together to make pizza a human."

"Fun in class activity, giving us random impregnated strips, could be LSD, could be ruffies, could be anything, but hey, lets taste something random on a strip of paper that creepy professor man gives us!!!"

"Findings in studies: I've lost interest. Something about rats, and licking things. Still unknown how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop."

"YES (at this point in the lecture, I’ve already had 2 mild strokes, been in a coma, and attempted suicide…)"

Week 12:

"Summary: something something something…he doesn’t have time to finish our last lecture because he’s fucking special and shit. He thinks I’ll remember stuff from last week which is laughable…something about monkeys who want something then don’t want it anymore….The conclusion is the better it tastes the better it is, so taco bell = nutrition. Something about protein and fat being and kids…nature doesn’t want him around anymore (neither do we for that matter)…and that should take care of any questions we have about last week. HURRAY! (whaaaaaa?)"

"mmm cancer, it's what's for dinner"

 "Something about these being around the hot guys, but there are more of these guys, cuz the warm guys are "in""

"Deep aching pain and inflammation (prostaglandins) – drug industry tends to focus on this – something about semen helping here…and prostates…I’m unsure about how this is all connected because I keep blacking out….prostaglandins inhibit him going back a step to something else that I’m not paying attention to either…oh, they block glycene from killing pain. Brain says I hurt – it’s like he’s reading my mind."

"Now I can know where my body parts are. THANK GOD! Cuz remember that one time I lost my elbow? Sooo awkward....."

"Insert random shit that is not on here, so will obviously be on the exam…LD, LP, VA, VL, VP, VI, VPM, VPL…makes perfect sense….Wilder Penfield (is Canadian)…theres a story that I’m sure we ought give a shit about, he removed sections of brains…sadly he went bald. Did experiments on epileptics. I believe this is a VERY round-about way of the homunculus…VERY VERY round-about"

Week 13:

"Summary of last week: we wasted over an hour of class time doing absolutely nothing. He’s going to arrange review sessions (allow me to show my excitement ___, that is all). He’s drawing something that I assume is meant to be helpful…looks like butt cheeks…apparently it is a cross section of the spinal column…he’s coloring now…which is SUPER fascinating…something is old and messy…he pants, shirt, and hair come to mind…something something….and we’re already wasting class time, hurray. Traffic, spinal columns, laying on top of things, being coherent...bad signs…"