List

So, I've been reading, ::wait, no? Em, you read?:: yes, it's true. I've been reading a religious book filled with Satanism, cults, human sacrifice, power, previous lives...but more than any of that it has a very strong message about women. Their strength, their courage, their subtle power...it's all quite refreshing to hear. But one passage in particular struck me, it was a simple list about what the main female character wished men knew about women. For my purposes I'll give an abridged version as I find it fairly pertinent.

Maggie O'Connor's [abridged] List from Bless the Child, by Cathy Cash Spellman

*My added thoughts will be added in italics. 

• Women need to be listened to, not just heard
• They crave romance and tenderness like drowning men crave a raft
• They follow their instincts and their hears implicitly and are, therefore, immensely rational
• Then need to have birthdays and anniversaries remembered with the same enthusiasm as fight dates, hockey playoffs, (video game and movie release dates) and the World Series
• The do not get immense joy from cleaning ovens and bathrooms and kitchens
• They cry, not because they're weak, but because they're in touch with their feelings
• Even if they are strong, they like to feel protected and safe
• Periods do not make them crazy, unclean, or prone to attacks by wild animals
• They read Gothic novels because they still dream of someone loving them more than life itself
• The need to be loved, desired, trusted, and respected, not just during courtship, but forever
• Certain things cannot be unsaid to them

Well, that is pretty much it for today, I really enjoyed her list and from what I've heard from friends and family it seems like it is fairly appropriate for most, probably not all, but a good portion of women out there. 

Mawwage!

Maybe it's just that time of year, maybe it's just that I've reached that  age where everyone is beginning to settle down and pop out them babies...or maybe I'm just becoming slightly sensitive to all the talk but Marriage seems to be a very popular subject these days. Whose Wedding is it Anyway?, Bridzilla, A Wedding Story, and the Royal wedding (though behind us almost a month now) still in headlines, weddings seem the "IT"  thing right now. And I've got to be honest with you...the more I think about it, the less sense it makes.

In the good ol' days, and for my purposes lets just say anytime from mans creation/evolution on this planet until the 1950's (ish) traditional marriages had a purpose. Generally, women didn't work and if they did they earned much less than men (and a part of their "job" was child rearing), so, in effect, women needed  a husband to help out the family....not to mention that children were actually just little workers for whatever job mom and dad had. I can pretty much promise you that the majority of families in the sixteenth century did not give a rip what their child's aspirations were. That child was going to do whatever the hell mom and dad did, and that was it. Enter World War II, women went to work, and *gasp* some of them liked it! So, even when the men came home, some of the women didn't rush back to their abandoned kitchens, they stayed at work, they fought like hell to stay at work. And from that day forward, we women, were, in many respects, free of our dependence on men.

Now, by no means am I disrespecting traditional marriage. I have been raised as many other women in my generation; you grow up, go to college, get married, have children and a career, etc. My parents have been married for over thirty years! So, in many ways marriage was something I was expecting, wanting, and to a certain extent needing. But as I've grown, I've realized, in this day and age, the entire theory behind marriage seems antiquated, out dated, and over all, unnecessary. Why do I say this? Well, for now, we'll put aside how ludicrous the entire ceremony is, and just look at the logic of the union. Two people (I don't really care which two) but two people who want to be together, and need a piece of paper for legalities, and have to pay money to do so...maybe it's just me, but, as a a woman, I don't need a man in my life to become a mother. I need sperm, and lets face it boys, you all throw that around willy-nilly! I can go to a clinic or simply to a bar to get that. Moreover, people argue that the couple raises the child, not one more than the other...but lets face it, the woman does the majority of child rearing (generally and traditionally speaking, I'm by no means undermining the stay at home or single fathers). The woman carries the child, births the child, nourishes the child - those things are inherent to women alone - biologically. Plus, in this day and age women make almost as much as men do and thus, can afford to raise the child alone!

So, why anti-marriage? Well, frankly, not many people make it out to be this wonderful thing. Most people seem rather miserable in marriage, even if only quietly. Not to mention that marriage is an industry, and a multi-billion dollar industry at that. The average wedding in America costs over $20,000, the average divorce costs the same, and you have less than a 50/50 chance of making your marriage work. So...you're proposed to, and the proposal is actually a $40,000(+) question: do I roll the dice, gamble a little, spend the money on the chance, and it's not even a good chance, that this will work out? And that's all without looking at the fact that most modern women are on some form of birth control (for whatever reason) which effectively changes who they're attracted to (birth control tricks your body chemistry into believing you're already pregnant, thus effecting who you are attracted to chemically, because if your body chemistry is convinced your pregnant your not going to pick up on the same pheromones), so we're becoming attracted to, effectively, the wrong people to start with. Then, we're risking money, lots and lots of money. The wedding, the alimony, the child support, mutual assets and properties, lawyer fees, the divorce costs...all for a relationship? Whereas, don't get married (instantly save, on average, 20K), have the relationship, if you decide to share assets make written contracts regarding ownership and separation, be cautious about who you breed with, be self sufficient, etc. and the only costs of a break up would be potential child support. It just makes more sense. I don't need the state or the federal government to tell me who I can love or how I can love them. I certainly don't need to spend that money (I mean 20K is a new car, or a down payment on a house!).

So, for now, I don't see the reason, I fail to understand the full purpose. It seems an elaborate celebration of arrogance that isn't worth the risks associated.

The Calm

My posting has become more irregular. A week or more can pass between posts. It's not that I don't have anything to write about. I'm sure I could come up with something. I'm sure people would love reading about my cats new fascination with bubbles, but you know, I just figure I'd spare you the mundane details of my life. 

Truly, my life has calmed immensely. Not to say that school isn't still hectic, and that my mind doesn't whirl around at a million miles an hour thinking about the past, present, and future. I assure you it does. But throughout the craziness that is my life, I've come to a sense of calm, I've realized the mistakes I've made, the fallacies I've believed over the years, the people I've allowed to run my life. I know recognize that this is my life. It is my one life. I don't get a do over, I don't get to try again. And there's a good chance I'll fuck this up all by myself, but I'd rather get to be 75 and say, yes, it was messy, it was rough, often traumatic...but fuck it, it was mine!  then get there and look back sadly at all the chances I never took, all the power I gave to others, and all the boring but probably right decisions that took me down a calm and uninteresting road. For almost 25 years my life has been a giant gaggle-fuck. Why stop now? I like throwing hard-balls and having them thrown at me. Taking a running leap with no idea if I'm going to land or not. 

My mom reminds me that I gave up a good leg to enlist, but she fails to realize I'd do it over again the same way. The use I lost in that leg, I gained in many other facets in my life.  Sometimes you have to remember that even the biggest disasters can be the most welcomed changes, the worst heartache can lead you to understand what truly matters, and without destruction we cannot rebuild. These are the thoughts that keep me calm and maintaining. 


As a side note: I can't say how awesome I think it is that people (not only friends on facebook) from all over the world have read this! I would love comment of insight from other cultures! 

Where did all the real men go?

Last Friday, before this silly little netbook came down with a horrendous virus, I was preparing to write this. Then came virus-gate 2011, and a few hours of geekdom...voila! The problem was fixed, but my energy to write was gone. Today, however, I feel that spark again, so, I'll continue. 

On April 22, 2011, my school's paper had an interesting article; Put down the tweezers boys, it's time to become men.  I read it and laughed because it was so true.  Written by a man, the article looks at how so many men have become effeminate, delicate, pretty. This is especially sad for girls like me who grew up with Clint Eastwood and John Wayne - rugged men who were rough, tough, surly, hairy, manly-men! The only time you'd see them in any state of regard was when a lady was present. Granted, I'm no kind of a lady, but that's another story entirely - we're talking men today (again). 

So, where have all the men gone? My parents seem to think they still exist. (Then again, my parents think some 6'6" sports playing, good christian boy is just waiting for me so he can sweep me off my feet...I keep telling them he's either taken, gay, both, or a moron that I'd have NOTHING IN COMMON WITH, but I digress...) Now-a-days, men spend time waxing their eyebrows, tanning, wearing makeup (yes...men who wear makeup), who manscape, shave their chests, wear clothes worth more than my entire wardrobe combined (and probably tighter too!), who can't take the same shit they kick around, who have become, in truth, these shadows of men with the only thing verifying their masculinity is the lump of flesh between their shaved legs. They lotion up, spend half an hour on their hair, wear jewelery, and skinny jeans, and girls like me are suppose to look to these "men" and swoon(?). I don't think so. 

How about a man, who wears jeans and a tee-shirt, knows not to be an emo-little girl, who doesn't wear jewelry and doesn't take longer than me to get ready? I can be up, showered, and put together - out the door in an hour. I'm talking makeup, hair, clothes, whole 9 yards of readiness in an hour. I know men who take longer than that. Who's jeans and shirts are tighter than mine. Maybe it's just me, but I'm looking for a man, not a drag queen (no offense to the drag queens, I think they're fabulous, I just don't want to date them). I want a man who can get dirty, work hard, and not care if his manicure is going to get messed up. I don't know if they exist anymore, especially not in California. Maybe I'm just too picky. Or, maybe...and this is purely hypothetical...maybe men have just softened up a little too much, like ice cream left out of the freezer...for a day. 

So, to all the pantie-waists out there, I'm not sharing my tampons and midol with you, you 13 year old girl. If you go tanning, have more hair products that I do, get mani-pedis, and wear tighter clothes than I do...could you guys get a commune in Arizona or something? If I was attracted to women I'd date them. Man up. 


Here's the link to the article that inspired this rant, and might just back me up:
 http://www.thedailyaztec.com/2011/04/put-down-the-tweezers-boys-it%E2%80%99s-time-to-become-men/
 

Seals, Sea Slugs, and Jelly's

I am exhausted. Fatigue has swept over every inch of my body. Pain radiates out of every joint and muscle. I don't remember being hit by a truck, because I wasn't. Scuba is to blame. 

I shouldn't complain. Though the seas were a bit rough, my motion sickness medication worked like a charm and the visibility was amazing. The dolphins didn't come out and play, but they were heard from afar chirping at one another and the sea lions were more the willing to come down and investigate us divers (though, in my mind, I could only imagine they were discussing how silly the little humans were, communicating with hand signals while wearing bulky gear in what is most definitely not our primary environment) .  There were "hairy" sea slugs, other sea slugs (I'm talking like 8 inches long), sea grasses, kelp bushes, fish in every color dancing around me as I slowly pulled myself through the water. At one point a harbor seal came down to check on us, the seal however, did not want to play; only keep a watchful eye on the odd humans in his/her environment. We even came across a sheepshead crab (ugly sons-a-bitches), who, without their 18 inch legs are about the size of bowling balls...and this one was in a feisty move and reared up (when slightly provoked by a fin...) snapping his claws at us. In another location there were brittle stars as far as you could see covering the bottom of the sea as well as the occasional foot in diameter star fish (that I'm sure have a technical name...but it's not coming to me...so just go with sea star...). 

However, even with all of that wonder, the fish, the mammals, the crazy urchins (part of which is still stuck in my palm...), and the myriad of other things that littered the sea yesterday, none were as cool as the jellyfish bloom. I was simply swimming along, telling myself to inhale...2...3...4...and exhale...2...3...4...slow down....be calm... when all of a sudden I notice the smallest, most delicate of creatures floating in front of me. No more than an inch long with it tentacles and maybe a centimeter across at it's "head", was this tiny jellyfish ebbing in the water. As I noticed it, I noticed that I was in the middle of hundreds of them (maybe thousands?), these tiny complex creatures, dancing around me like flowers on a breeze. It's tentacles couldn't have been much thicker than a strand of hair and pure white--softly floating, gently and slowly pulsating it's threads to bring itself food...but in that moment, I was amidst a bloom of the more delicate flowers I'd ever seen and those tiny little creatures made the dive.

Just a Bad Date

One bad date. I know, I really ought not complain. I mean...it was a really horrible attempt at a first date...but in a sense, it's not just this one date - it's the fact that this date, this one guy (shudder) represents a very large portion of my options. And it's just a little more than concerning. 

Okay, so what made this date so bad? Dude invited me bowling. My cardinal rule for dating is DRIVE YOURSELF, especially for the first few dates. So, I drive the 20 freaking minutes to the bowling alley, and when I get there he tells me, oh, sorry, they are having a league night. No open bowling until 9:30.  It was 6:30. Great. Instantly I know this guy: doesn't give a shit, didn't plan ahead, and doesn't care. That's not even mentioning the initial first impression. 

Though we had scheduled bowling, I had changed my shirt so it was cute, not too revealing, but flattering, thrown a light and semi trendy jacket over that, put on a pair of my nicer jeans, done my makeup and hair and brushed my teeth before leaving the house. It's a first date, I wanted to look nice. He, on the other hand, did not get the same memo. He was wearing a wrinkled tee-shirt, jeans and a hoodie. Although his breath was not rancid, it was more than apparent that he had not brushed his teeth, as there was nothing minty-fresh about it, and not even a small squirt of cologne. This is how he shows up to a first date. (He also failed to pay me even a small and, possibly, insincere compliment about how I looked...nothing!) 

Okay, whatever, he doesn't care how he looks, fine. He suggests we go to the beach front party section of town (another 20 minute drive) and get some dinner instead. Alright, some points gained back, at least the guy can think on his feet.  I follow him to the spot, parking is hellatious because it's Saturday night, but we park our cars and walk the mile to the restaurant, fine. The "restaurant" was a bar that served burgers and beer. It was loud, packed, the food was decent. He starts talking (he really didn't stop the entire time). He tells me his political views, what he thinks about the war (I'm positive I shared that I had been a Marine...) he even tells me that he didn't graduate high school because he was arrested his junior year for selling opiates (pain meds). Wow, way to impress a girl. (I'm also certain I told him, whilst a Marine, I was Military Police).  In short (after 3 paragraphs) we arrived at the restaurant a little after 7, and I was home shortly after 8. Probably the most appalling acting he took, was after the very short "date", I received a text message, wherein he asked for "sexy pics". ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!??! You (him) can't even put yourself together and make a plan for a date, can't even tell me I look nice, but you want friggen "sexy pics"? AWH HELL NO!  --That was my "date". 

So, why is this an omen for all men? Because, lets face it. This guy is a very obvious example of what mankind (specifically my generation) has come to: desires rewards, loathes effort. They do not want to date, they do not want to sacrifice, they do not want to have to change certain behaviors: in fact others should change to suit them better, not the other way around. They want all the rewards life has to offer: the good job, the attractive-obedient-sexually-voracious girl friend, the money, the power--and none of the work to get there. They don't want to study and work their asses off to get the degree to get the crap job that they'll again have to work their asses off at to eventually work their way up to the  good job. They don't want to have to brush their teeth, occasionally work out, and think of another human being in order to have the perfect girl-friend who will actually stay with them for more than a few months. They don't want to. And to a sad extent, they simply wont. 

Though the cynical and jaded part of my soul believes that men like this probably either don't exist, do but are taken, or are gay, I sincerely hope that there are some out there, if not for myself, then for society as a whole. We cannot advance without work, and so many refuse to work.

Dear Mr. President and the Members of Senate, Congress, etc.

To the respective members of my government...I don't mean to throw a temper-tantrum...but I have some questions...

So, we're facing, what seems to be a definite, government shut down that will cut or stop the pay for many Americans...but not for the people in charge of causing the shut down? Memebers of Congress make $174,000 a year (not including per diem and benefits)--that's $14,500 a month.  The President makes (as of 2001--10 years ago!) $400,000 per year (not including per diem and benefits) which equates to over $33,000 per month. The median (*NOTE MEDIAN NOT MEAN! This means that 50% of Americans make less than that per year!) household income for an American family in 2010 was about $46,000...So...wait...I'm confused. The President makes 71.7% of average Joe's annual income in ONE month, and Congress makes 31.5% of Joe's income in one month? It would take Joe almost 4 years (of saving 100% of his income) to make what a Congress-person makes in a year and it would take him almost 9 years to make 1 year of the Presidents' salary...but wait...there are 310 million Americans and only 1 President, only 435 members of Congress...so between the President and Congress 1 year costs: $76,090,000 (that is not including all the facets of government...) 

Now granted, the United States has one of the largest "millionaire" populations (a term, that is now antiquated, as having a mere 1 million in net worth hardly constitutes wealth anymore, and now those with over 10 million are considered to have "high-net-worth") at almost 17% of the population (simply over 1 million dollars of worth), but that leaves 83% who aren't! 14.3% of those (that equals 47.8 million people) live in absolute poverty. Poverty, this year, was defined as persons whose total income is less than or equal to $22,350.  And that's only absolute poverty not threshold poverty. So...if my maths correct...only about 69% of this country have just enough (not too much, not too little) But some of those do, infact live within threshold poverty limits. 

Again, I'm confused. Oprah has a net worth of $3 billion, Steve Jobs has a net worth of $7.8 billion, Bill Gates - $56 billion,...I kind of get that...they are private citizens... But Obama has a net worth of about $5 million, Darrell Issa (R-CA) has an estimated net worth around $451 million, Vern Buchanan (R-FL) - about $366 million, Jane Harmon (D-CA) - over $435 million, John Kerry (D-MA) - almost $295 million...in fact in 2009 the 10 wealthiest members of Congress had a combined net worth of almost $3 billion. So...wait...Joe citizen lives pay check to pay check, has debt in some way, and can't afford to go without his pay, where these Congress-persons very much can afford to go without a pay check...but because they won't do their jobs, your going to not pay the military for doing theirs? Most military members live under the poverty line, support families, and can't simply quit their jobs or stage a sit in...but you want to cut their pay...?

How about, you cut your own pay to help cover the deficit that you're arguing over? How about you not get paid until you've done your job? Because what you're doing to the average citizens is absolute BULLSHIT! You should be ashamed, I know we, the average Joes are of you.